Child predators are very difficult to detect. They are good at hiding. Their entire life is fake, a lie. They lie everyday of their lives. They use deception to cover up what they really are- predators hunting children.
Most child molesters begin hunting children with deception, lies, and manipulation, not with violence. They work very hard to make you like them because they know that it will make it difficult for you to believe they are molesting or raping your child.
Their lies and deception are difficult or impossible to detect either because they are so practiced at lying, or because they convince themselves they are not doing harm, or because they enjoy lying.
They are practiced liars. Looking for signs of lies does not work. Looking down/away or fidgeting are well known supposed signs of lying, so child molesters won’t do that. Instead, they will use direct eye contact when talking to you because they know it will make most people think that they are telling the truth.
Child molesters don’t show or feel guilt when they lie. They often convince themselves that what they do to children is not wrong or harmful. Telling themselves that children should be free to have sex, or that they really like it, or even that they deserve whatever is done to them, are ways the molester justifies their brutality.
Psychopaths are a different breed all together. They actually enjoy lying. They get a thrill out of it, and will lie any chance they get, even if there is nothing to gain by doing it. They lie for the joy of lying and being able to fool someone.
Liars will commonly evade an issue rather than outright lying. You should pay careful attention to what people say instead of what they are implying. We often anticipate what we think people are going to say, and then fill in the rest in our heads. Although most child molesters will directly lie if pushed hard enough, they start by objecting to the question, or answering the question with a question, or saying things like, “I can’t believe you think I did that.” In other words, they will avoid outright answering a question or accusation.
Stopping Child Predators:
Since it is so hard to tell if child molesters are lying, the best way to stop them and protect your children is to avoid high risk people, high risk situations, and to look for signs of grooming.
Look for and put a stop to common signs of grooming:
- Singling out your child or taking them away from a group
- Unnecessary and inappropriate touching
- Special favors, gifts, or attention
- Taking your child on trips or extra activities
- Trying to spend extra time with your child outside of the appropriate activities
Avoid high risk people and situations. A man with no adult friends or spouse, who spends most or all of his time with children or youth activities, is high risk. If they don’t have children of their own, or children in the age group they are spending time with, be suspicious.
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Joe is a nice young man. He’s single with no kids of his own. He appears to have no friends his own age. He always hangs out with the neighborhood kids. He's usually with kids who are 12 years old and younger. The kids get along great with him, and look up to him. He even has them over to his house to go swimming. He often babysits for a couple of the families in the neighborhood for free. There was a block party a couple of months ago and everyone was there. Joe spent his time with all of the children instead of with any of the adults.
He just offered to take the neighborhood boys to a movie down the street. He wants to know if your 10 year old son can go too.
Should you let your son go to the movie? NO
Should you let your son spend time with this man? NO
This man is high risk, and therefore he should be avoided, and your son should not be with him. That does not mean that you should be rude to him or accuse him of anything. It simply means that he should be avoided like the plague.
Be warned. Child molesters and pedophiles are predators. They will ask you if your child can participate in an activity in front of your child. They do this on purpose. They want you to have to make an immediate decision. If you say no, then you disappoint your child, and you become the bad guy. They are predators hunting their prey. They know they have a better chance of getting their hands (and other body parts) on your child if your child is present when they ask you these questions.
You need to be with your child. I know we are all busy, but the best way to deter a child predator is to spend time with your child. Go to their activities, their baseball practices, as well as the games. Don’t just drop them off. If you are there, then you send a message to predators that your child is off limits and that you are watching. Molesters look for easy targets. They look for something that is missing or needed. Then they become what is needed and fill the void. If you are with your child, then the predator will move on and find another child to victimize.
Read all of our Grooming Articles here.
Check back, there’s more grooming information coming soon.
Labels: Child Predators, Child Safety, Grooming, Pedophile
